Published on: Wednesday, March 26, 2025
A client of mine recently lost her mother. The client, along with her father and brother, cared lovingly for the mother who suffered from dementia for several years, first at home and then by visiting and assisting daily when she moved to a nursing home. It involved hours of my client’s time every day.
The client is married, in her early fifties, with two teenagers and a management position that carries a great deal of responsibility and deliverables. In the past year, she was treated for breast cancer and required surgery twice. During that time, her family also moved to a new home.
This has been all at once both heart-wrenching and heartwarming to observe. It is difficult to see someone having to take on so many challenges and stresses. But it was an inspiration and privilege to witness the love she offered her mother and to see her continue with grace and optimism.
How could someone with so many things going on be able to spend a couple of hours each day tending to her elderly mother’s needs? How could she, while fighting off disease, go to work, be a wife and mother and still head off to her parents’ house in the evening to give her mother a shower and put her to bed?
Because of love, certainly. But also commitment.
She did all these things because she felt she had to. It was her obligation. It was important to her. Regardless of how challenging it was, it was not an option. So she met the challenge with focus and resolve.
When people are committed, there is just no other way it could be. They don’t have to prioritize.
It is self-evident to them that the thing they are committed to is a priority.
We will often say that we can’t do this or that because we don’t have time or that we are too busy. That’s interesting because time has a way of expanding when there is something that absolutely needs to be done. Think about how productive we can be with last-minute tasks when we are heading off on vacation for a couple of weeks and there is a flight to catch in a few hours.
Similarly, no one says he/she does not have time to use the bathroom, to shower or brush one’s teeth. One would never consider skipping these things. Unless something even more important – something they were more committed to – required their attention.
Compare that to, say, getting exercise. A lot of us have said we didn’t have time to do it. But we also all know people with extremely busy lives who exercise regularly. They get it done because they are committed to it. It’s important to them. Skipping is not an option.
So, I reflected on how commitment could show up in my practice and in my interactions with clients. I thought of various scenarios and I had to ask myself, is that an example of commitment or is that just really good service. What distinguishes them?
The action that is taken can be a sign of commitment. If you go to great lengths to get something done, it could certainly give the impression you are committed. But often, the action alone doesn’t set it apart. A phone call is not in itself a sign of commitment. But a phone call to
see how you’re feeling after surgery might. Or will it? If you do that sort of thing consistently and authentically, you’ll convey a sense of commitment to the recipient. It builds in the same way trust does. There is something intangible that makes it go beyond good service. It’s in the motivation of the doer and equally in the mindset of the receiver.
For the doer, the action comes from something that is going on in their psyche, from a place of caring and from their character. It will come from something that makes the action pressing and compelling to them; something that makes it really important to carry out. Not in a contractual way, but in a personal way.
For the receiver, it brings a sense of reliability. A receiver knows they can count on a committed doer. There is a man who drives the van that takes my father to church. He is always jovial and fun-loving. One day, he came to the church to give a ride to someone else. But he knew my dad was inside, so he parked the van for a few moments and came in just to say hello to him.
Do you think we can count on that guy? I’d say so. He’s done something intangible to demonstrate his commitment. He’s not just giving rides.
I’m doing my best to describe something that is difficult to articulate. But we all know when we see it.
As advisors carry out their business plans and measure service levels with metrics such as the number or frequency of client meetings, financial plan updates and investment returns, I think it is just as important to consider something intangible but critical given the trust that is placed in us. We need to consider, client by client, “Have I been committed?”